A gay man is a person assigned male at birth who experiences romantic or sexual attraction primarily to other men. This term reflects a specific pattern of attraction and is part of a broader spectrum of human sexuality.
The term "gay" originated in the late 19th century as a euphemism for homosexual men, derived from French slang. By the 1960s, it became widely adopted in LGBTQ+ communities as a self-identifying label. Today, "gay man" is the most direct and accurate way to describe a man whose primary sexual and emotional orientation is toward other men.
While "homosexual" remains a clinical term used in medical and psychological literature, it is rarely used by individuals to describe themselves due to its historical association with pathologization. The American Psychological Association (APA) removed homosexuality from its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in 1973, recognizing it as a normal variation of human behavior rather than a disorder.
Several terms describe men attracted to men, each carrying different connotations based on history, culture, and personal preference.
| Term | Meaning | Usage Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Gay man | Man attracted to men | Most common, inclusive, and preferred in everyday use |
| Queer | Broader identity including gender and sexual diversity | Reclaimed from derogatory use; now a positive umbrella term |
| Homosexual | Clinical term for same-sex attraction | Used in research; avoid in casual speech |
| Gay | Self-identifier for men attracted to men | Can be used for women too, though less common |
"Gay" is often used interchangeably with "homosexual," but the former is preferred in social contexts. According to GLAAD's 2023 Media Reference Guide, "gay" is the most widely accepted term for men who are attracted to men, especially in media and public discourse.
Some men identify as "queer," a term that originally carried stigma but has been reclaimed by younger generations. Queer is not limited to sexual orientation-it includes gender identity, expression, and cultural belonging. A man may say he is queer to emphasize his connection to a broader community beyond just attraction.
Using the right term respects a person's identity and reduces harm. Mislabeling someone can invalidate their experience, especially when they've taken time to understand and define their own identity.
For example, calling a gay man "homosexual" in a casual setting may feel clinical or outdated. It can unintentionally echo past practices where homosexuality was treated as a mental illness. The APA notes that such language contributes to minority stress, which correlates with higher rates of depression and anxiety among LGBTQ+ people.
When in doubt, ask. A 2022 study published in the Journal of LGBT Issues in Counseling found that 78% of gay men preferred being called "gay" over "homosexual" in personal interactions. Only 12% expressed discomfort with "gay," while 34% reported feeling alienated by "homosexual."
Many people confuse sexual orientation with gender identity. A gay man is not necessarily transgender. Gender identity refers to one's internal sense of self as male, female, both, neither, or somewhere along the spectrum. Sexual orientation describes whom one is attracted to.
Another misconception is that "gay" applies only to men. While historically rooted in male same-sex relationships, "gay" is used by women too. However, in practice, "gay woman" is less common than "lesbian," which is the standard term for women attracted to women.
There is also confusion around the term "faggot." This is a violent slur with roots in anti-LGBTQ+ hate speech. Using it-even as irony-reinforces discrimination. The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) reports that 35% of LGBTQ+ youth have experienced verbal harassment related to slurs like this. Avoid all derogatory terms unless quoting for analysis.
Consider a college student named Jordan. He identifies as a gay man. He has been in a relationship with another man for two years. His friends refer to him as "gay" in conversation, and he uses the term himself in interviews and on social media.
When asked by a professor during a sociology class, "What do you call a gay man?" Jordan responds: "I'm a gay man. That's how I identify. Some people use 'homosexual,' but I find that term cold and outdated. 'Gay' feels authentic and inclusive."
This example shows how identity is personal. Jordan doesn't require others to match his language-but he expects respect. He also clarifies that "gay" is not a synonym for "effeminate" or "flamboyant." He is a software developer who wears button-down shirts and enjoys hiking. His identity is not defined by stereotypes.
As a rule, always use the term a person prefers. If you're unsure, ask politely: "How do you prefer to be referred to?" This small act builds trust and inclusion.
What do you call a gay man? The most accurate and respectful answer is "gay man." This term is clear, widely accepted, and aligned with current usage in healthcare, education, and media. It honors both individual identity and collective progress.